Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
