There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
