No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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