We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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