tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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