She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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