We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
