Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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