Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
