We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
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I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
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how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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