I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
