so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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