I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
