my vag is so smooth its legendary
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
