Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
