Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Enjoy the penises
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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