We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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