Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
