maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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