I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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