He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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