FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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