just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
