we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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