I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
