That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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