4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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