every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
