Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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