The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
