What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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