Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
