so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
