I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
