I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize