So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
