I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
