I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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