she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
