My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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