Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
