Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
