I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
