i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
