I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
