Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
