This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
