so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you win again, gameday.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
