Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
barbara walters just said penis...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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