i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
