Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize