I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
