you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
