i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
