You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need to calm my uterus...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
