WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
