These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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