My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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