i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
