im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
