I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
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Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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