I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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