We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
