I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
