This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize