Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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