That's when you crack a 10am beer
she smelled like a LAN party
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He shit in the fireplace
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
