the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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