He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
