then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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