Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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