The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
