Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
