I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
