I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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