i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
