It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
